Exanne && hher dearest

2009-12-25T11:30:00.001-08:00

SHE IS NOT FEELING VERY WELL ):

BUT SHE DO ALL SMILES ON TIMES :D

2009-11-08T10:34:00.000-08:00

2009-11-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

my daughter , Jerxanne arrived on 3 Nov . (:

I shall post my daughter's pic when I feel again .

I'm been fcuking tired ever since 2 Nov . I got less then 4 hours sleep everyday ! ):

leg is damn swollen . body and hair is damn smelly ! Lucky I going to bring my precious for check up this coming Tue , I can grab this chance to bathe ! wahaahaas

Thanks for accompany me in to the labour room tht day .

We will never appreciate each other good .

(: I have do all my best . Have you do your best ? Insistent is what you needs .

(: If giving up is the best for Jerxanne and my future , I will do it

(: TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT . I WILL LEARN TO LEAVE IT RATHER THEN TAKE IT .

I won't wants to let myself have tht chance to cries infront of her .

I LOVES YOU TO MY EXTENT YET YOU THINK IT NOT ENOUGH/NOTHING .

2009-10-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

15 days more

today isn't a great day for me . my bladder seems so weird . urine slip out of my bladder very very easy . maybe is my lil monster getting bigger make my bladder smaller and smaller . ahahahs

I don't think I going out to get any meals or gathering today lerhhs . ):

Suddenly I craving for HOTCAKES ~! lols . I WANT TO EAT HOTCAKE NOW ! CAN YOU IMAGINE ? I BLOG HALF WAY WANT EAT HOTCAKES .

hahaahas , whatever it is . todays is a BAD DAY .! later then i go cook hotcake now . let me get a small nap 1st ! PLEASE lil monster ! (:

going off bed . if not all my panties also no enffu me change . :S

2009-10-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

16 more days .

today I don't feel really happy with what I have today . Maybe due to tht quarrel I had with Justin . I been wondering why I can't be surviving myself . I question myself for very long and I can't get any answer from myself . I'm been tired of this draggy relationship and hearing loves one calling me crazy , slut or rather cheapo . maybe i'm tht why I ended with a BIG TUMMY . I have never regret until today and never blame anyone except myself . Cos I'm the one who have unprotected sex .

I learning hard to live alone and to encounter all joys and tears alone .

I'm here today is because of my old classmate saw me at petrol station weeks ago and have commented I looked wreck ever since he saw me at there . It reflected me how joyful and crazy I'm when i was in secondary with him and another friends sitting and chit chatting together most of our days. and as other said I once a cheerful and happy-go-lucky girl . Now I can only smiles and tell others nothing .

People might be thinking I'm foolish and childish due to my decision . but no one actually knows that pain making such miserable decision . I no who to kill someone due to my fault. My partner can only shout at me today won't be like this if you aborted her . ABORT don't seems easy for the victim no one actually know .

EVERYTHING TODAY IS I CREATED MYSELF AND I HAVE START TO PAY FOR MY MISTAKE .

Ohhs yas , readers please do not discussed my entries infront of me to you friends or whoever thanks . it make me feel weird when i overheard it .

2009-10-23T17:05:00.001-07:00

22 more days i gonna be a mummy . hahahs . been a mum to be for past 9 months over seems good and excited . every lil things i bought for her seems nice to me . i prepare everythings by myself . and i smiles to say i'm proud of myself .

Until now i might be complaining on times but I never feel tired about doing all this . I believe this type of strength will continues next 21 years .

I'm counting down for my precious girl to comes all the ways to my arms .

EVERYONE !! GUESS HOW HEAVY THIS LIL MONSTER IS ?!?!!?!?!?
YES , SHE IS HEAVY ! AS HEAVY AS HER MUMMY AND DADDY . LOLS .
She is currently 3xxxgrams (3+kg) ! wahahahas .

if i can really natural birth this lil noti monster I will definitely proud of myself ! hahahas

2009-10-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

STORY ENDED .

he left yesterday . going oversea for whole year . 1 years sound short but it isn't tht short as we think .

yes , i promised to wait for tht 1 year return but i guess i gonna break it . no one can ensure inside this 1 yr can happen what kinds of shit .

i expected to miss him damn lots like 1 yrs ago he went for his 1 week holiday .
8
(: whatever it is ... this time round everything stated clear enfu . He left for his 1 yr oversea job . and i gotta carry on my life without him . he can't make any diff in my life anymore . maybe without each other we won't be feeling so stress .

She coming out in 1 month times yet he left for himself and not welcoming her arriving .

ohhs gosh ! why do i sound so weak !! ): wake up !!!! without Justin , Exanne and Jerxanne is still alive .

8 month ago i put this promise if till the day Jerxanne out nothing is done by Justin then make this facts that we can't have him . when she 21 yrs old decided to find her own father i will let her find . (:

i wishing he can really learn to grow up and do something for sake of this poor lil girl .

I been waited for a empty shot 9 months . I don't wish to wait until 1 years anymore .

2009-09-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

i hurt my leg again !!! ):

"ouchhs !" i shouted at TPY on last sat . I fell like nobody business . this isn't the 1st time i fell this years . it like the 4th time i fell down . ):

Remember clearly tht first time I fell on 2009 is tht day i 1st time went to my aunt hse with Justin . I fell dwn due to playing DS . butt itch lorhhs . lols .

and following 3 times is quarreling with Justin . LMAOS . everytime i put tht quarrel into my eyes i will end myself falling down outside . cute bohhs ?

HENG ! I never fall and hurt my precious if not I will cry to death arhhs ! precious wasn't hurt but my leg hurts ! again i sprain my ankle . and i not going to let tht pervert see or touch it ! i pay money to suffer pain no way mens !

later i going to move my things . (: i tell myself i must be strong enfu to do . becos I'm tht daddy n mummy i must sacrifice myself in order to give her comfort bed room . (:

i leaving now !!! going to bed so tht i can wake up slightly a bit early to clear my stuff . (:

2009-09-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

Either I have tht 100% boy i have from the start all I 0.01% also don't want .

I will wait till he come back . (:

2009-08-25T05:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know whether I will success letting him go but I still force myself to do try it 1 more times .

Ever since tht day i realise there lots of things changed . even me in his heart also change . everyday he will shout at me and said ' CAN YOU STOP SPAMMING ME ?!' or ' CAN YOU STOP ALL YOUR NAGGING ' worse is 'STOP YOUR SARCASTIC' . Whenever I opened my mouth and speaks he will shout all this to me . As times go by I turn myself down to talk to him more and more often .

To him , he just like a hero in my life . He works "hard" everyday just to take off for my 1 mth 1 time appointment and earn money for "me" . I do alots of impossible things during pregnancy . to him those impossible things i did during tht time is natural . cause this is my duty .

I find him been too selfish and self centered . He do everything for himself only . never never thinks about others at all .

He can plan his outing or share his probs with others friends without noticing me . I will only know things when i needed in the stuation . I just found myself been stupid to be liddat . and i still let him scold like is my fault to grant his friend requests .

since he will never think or look at me seriously . why must I bothering to suffer any pain with him . He just a guy insisting he just 20s and there impossible for him to do anything . accept letting him to have whatever he want .

I WISH I WILL STOP LOOKING BACK AT HIM AND LIVE MY LIFE MYSELF .

HE JUST BRING ME BLAMES , TEARS N WORRIES . WHAT FOR ?
HE BRING HIS UNBORN DAUGHTER NOTHING .

2009-08-10T04:58:00.000-07:00

THE DAY I WASN'T CHOOSED BY YOU THE DAY I GONE IN UR LIFE . (:

THANKS FOR SO MUCH . I PUT MY HEART DOWN TO IGNORE YOU BECAUSE I WASN'T THT ONE YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW IN THE END .

MAYBE SHE WAS RIGHT ... I SHOULDN'T TRY SO MUCH SINCE I ONCE DECIDED EVERYTHING . YOU CAN'T FEEL MY LOVES BECAUSE YOU WASN'T THERE TO FEEL IT .

NOTHING LEFT BUT MEMORIES .

I WILL TRY ALL MY BEST TO STOP CONTACTING YOU .

FROM START TILL NOW . YOUR SINCERITY IS ONLY GIVING THT $80 DISCOUNT FROM PIGEON , SGD$100 AND YOUR 2 TIMES EFFORT TO GO MY APPOINTMENT CHECK UP NOTHING MUCH MORE . I REALISE .

2009-07-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

thanks for all this while ....

thanks for ur accompany and tried .

maybe really i still thinking i'm a lil princess . or i'm too young been an adult .

today i really burst myself and wanted to leave you . you didn't hope me back our 2 - 3 months relationship . in fact today ue still letting me go as usual .

tearing is what i can do all this while . other then tht i just been useless .

One things tht make me always feel like a burden is urs tht matters of saving money .
Second is ur unhappiness . have you ever think I alway feel bad when you tell me ue unhappy with things and I will find no way to help you solve ur probs .

As I always think since Jerxanne life is I give de . Since I wants Jerxanne to be out to this world . why are you here acting ue loves her exist . I remember clearly you ever doubt is she urs . then why are ue back to make me so miserable again .

Everytime yyou leave i will be crying badly alone . do you ever feel it ? I confuse with my own decision even judgment .

Jerxanne come out will make you feel worse ?

Does you try to give what I want ? I nv think for you or you don't treat me as a girl actually ?

I just want a prefect maternity period and a normal basic wedding . Am I asking too much ?

Diamond ring ? Gold ring ? I insisted ?. if you really poor until only can use a grass fold out de ring give me as a engagement ring . I still will accept least you do all your best to force up . but what actually ue do ? what urs matters is I can't afford to give . So I don't give you.

When I was a lil girl like everyone wishing my boy buy me couple lab ring . he said i rather buy ue a diamond ring . now i'm a lil girl who expected a diamond or gold ring to be mhy wedding ring . he said i demanding too much .

I really doubting whatever you try . i really see nothing .

Yes, maybe right now ue falling . you need my hand but i never give . Do you ever think everything also because you said you try you try but actually ue never try de . this is 1 time i never forget , because ur whole family is this ways .

when I fall down ue isn't tht one who give me a hand too . in fact you are tht one who bring me to the trap and pushed me down .

Stand up yourself and you will found out I leave you and I will change myself to be another you never know de . I will love you and miss you but I will never find my way to you anymore . because i knew you won't too .

TAKE CARE ...

*ONCE YOU LET IT GO THERE NO WAY TO GRAB BACK .

i always wish you will pull me back and hug me tight and said i isn't a burden of urs .

2009-05-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I HATE LIFE WITHOUT PEOPLE PAMPER !! ROARS !!

OBVIOUS I'M SINGLE THT WHY I GOT NO PEOPLE TO PAMPER !!

BABY, i'm so sorry to drink so much just now . but i just enjoy drinking tht much larhs ! HAHAHAHS

cause got you tht why i not drunk ! i can't imagine this is the 1st time i'm so awake aft drinking !! not even bloated LOL .

baby ni yao guai guai de grow up hor ! ur lousy mama will pei ue still ue dun want me . ahahhas .

x33s baby .

2009-05-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

nothing special in my life at all .

indeed i get so bored now ...

went bugis today i saw X-rong tht lil monkey tht i always loves !!! HE LOOK LIKE MONKEY MORE THEN LAST TIME !!!

HE ALWAYS MAKE ME SO FED UP DE !! ROARS !!

I said him the older you are the more you look like monkey !! why dun eat more ??!! he tht bloody ass said he alway liddat since last time .. nbm next , he said " Jie, you look like auntie w/o you make up lehhs . i was like wad the ... thinking ... you tht lil monkey grow wings lerhhs know to fly lerhs now say your jie like auntie , aft i give birth are you going to say me sow ?! .

nothing much but i just simply miss this di of mine so fuckingg deep larhhs .

Xrong you better meet me up soon !!!

2009-05-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

my life is just like rotting ...

18th birthday over .. nothing special at all . my expectation is this will be my last birthday celebration . we shall see i got the chance to celebrate nxt yr not .. ahahahs

hmmmm .... blog today is because i saw something werid on ASHIQ BLOG !!!!

SEE THE DIFF ? TOP SS IS BEFORE I REFRESH HIS KUKU BLOG . AFTER I REFESH THT IDIOT BLOG TURN LIKE THIS ..... zzz

ASHIQ : please stop changing your blog !!! i see ler also will scare ):

2009-05-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

I'M TIREDD . I REALISE I'M JUST THT FOOL .

HE FOUND A NEW GIRL . I SAY NOTHING BUT CONGRATS HIM .

GOD IS SO UNFAIR ...

I DO SEX IS NOT BECAUSE I LIKE IT . BUT ONLY THE INTENTATION TO AVOID UNHAPPY SCENES APPEAR IN OUR RELATIONSHIP .

AFTER THE SEX I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO WORRY MORE THEN ANYONE. N FINALLY I STRIKE !!! I'M PREGNANT . SO ? BIG FUCK ?

NO NOTHING . I JUST CAN'T GET JUSTICE . HE USE I'M NOT CAPABLE TO DO IT . TO AVOID GIVING ME . N I WANTS HIM TO LEAVE SINCE HE CAN'T GIVE ME . I CAN'T SEE HAPPINESS . I NOT GOING TO MARRY WITH NO HAPPINESS . SO HE LEAVE ... HE REALLY LEAVE N GO FOR ANOTHER GOOD GIRL THT GIVING HIM THT CONCERN HE NEEDED . INSTEAD TO LEAVE N THINK HOW CAN HE MAKE ME TRUST HIM N INSISTING TO DO WHATEVER. HE LEAVE .

I WILL STAY IN THE DARK IF TODAY WE NEVER QUARREL . I NV REALISE HE REALLY WILL DO JUST THINGS OUT . NV EXPECT . IT NOT MY EXPECTATION .

I SEE EVERYTHING CLEAR . BEFORE HE LEAVE HE STABBED ME AGAIN . I FEEL SO USELESS N HURTFUL . I FEEL I'M NOTHING BUT ACCEPT BURDEN OF EVERYONES .

I QUESTIONED AH SA N ASHIQ I'M I A BAD GIRLFRIEND ? WHENEVER I COOK ASHIQ WILL START TO SAY I'M GOOD HOUSEWIFE . AM I ACTUALLY ? . WHO DON'T ISH TO HEARD OTHER HUSBAND IS JEALOUS ABOUT MY HUSBAND GOT SUCH WONDERFUL WIFE .

TIRED TIRED . DID I REALLY DO WRONG ? MY CRAVING COME AT THE WRONG TIMING IS MY MISTAKE TOO ?

P/S : I WILL NEVER TURN MY HEAD TO SEE A BOY THT LET ME GO . I EXPRESS MYSELF TO TELL YOU I NEEDED YOU LOTS BUT YOU REFUSE TO LEND ME A HAND N STABBED ME WITH YOUR WORDS . YOU THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN PUSH ME TO DEATH MYSELF .

BIRTHDAY WISHES :
1 . BABY CAN STRONGER EVERYDAY REGRADING ANY MATTERS
2 . I WILL STAND UP AGAIN WITHOUT HIM IN MY LIFE .
3 . HE CAN LAST LONG HIS RELATION WITH THT GIRL N PROVE IT TO ME HE CAN SEND HIS NEXT BABY TO THOMSON / GLENEAGLE HOSPITAL

2009-05-08T00:27:00.000-07:00

regret leaving friend because of bf ):

boyfriend gone friend also gone

i got no friendd

never leave your friend because of boyfriend . you will realise you lost both at the time his is gone .

I GOT NO FRIEND . ):

2009-05-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

i miss you . miss you becos you were my 9 month close partner .

you make me laugh n crys ..

now you gone , i just like back to 11 month ago . my life is without a partner .

you are my last romance ...

i will never want to get in loves again like before

when can i gain what i deserve ?
i receiving more pain then anything else .

EXANNE HATE N HURT HERSELF
SHE HATE HERSELF MORE THEN ANY ONE ELSE .

ihatemyselfforhavingyou

2009-05-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

his promise broken again ....

me n baby stand no where in his heart n mind ...

if he really care , he will already insist to come find me today .

his promises are always my disappointment ...

i too tired to hear his promises .

precious is fine (: my precious have grow to 6 cm tall and expected date change again . is about 9 Nov . i so afraid tht baby will come out on the 8 Nov .

with you my life is still carry on
without you my life is still carry on
why am i still bothering you exist
when ue can't give me my happiness
i'm back to square one .
start to give up you again .
please don't come back n shake my decision again

2009-05-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

suddenly i got the edge to cry again . this like been continues for months . ever since we broke up . I will think baack ... "OUR" past . "HIS" words and everythings .

i tell myself i no need him anymore ... but why am i still like this ? Maybe I'm tht one who really don't understand me myself .

i'm really tired of everything . i can feel tht i give up myself . I'm totally give up myself . Until now I still don't what shld I do . Is right for me . for the baby . for everyone around me . I really get so sick of everything . YES , im acting strong . Can I don't ? my happiness , future and everythings is in my hand whether i going to ruin it or have it . is my choose . I want happiness . I want to get my ASS off from such life . I want a better life ...

DID I DEMAND REALLY THT MUCH ? CAN ANYONE EXCEPT HIM TO TELL ME .

or IS THE RIGHT CHOOICE FOR ME TO LIFE LIKE THIS .... I REALLY FEELING SO ENVY AND JEALOUS ON SHORT GUN MARRIAGE WOMEN .

I CRYING SO BADLY WHO KNOW ? WHO WILL GIVE ME THT EARS I NEEDED LOTS ... I NEED A GOOD LISTENING EARS AND ADVISE .

I'M DAMN AFRAID BABY WILL BORN HIS BIRTHDAY THT DAY . IF I GOING TO HAVE MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM . I NOT GOING TO REMEMBER HIM ANYMORE .

he is a man tht let me go wild
and he is the man tht hurts me most deep
his hurt will cover all his good point .

i shall have my chance again to see baby again. :D . i shall post baby's pic if it clear enfu to see

2009-05-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

When you found this blog , I already let my hearts die . You are a man tht i can date with but not a man tht lead me to future .

your 1 sentence save you everythings . But left me with no ways .

yes , other girl can sacrifice because of love why can't I ?
cause people boyfriend can treat they own girlfriend good when there realise they pregnant accept me ! . why can't you like other show me the happiness you have when you received my news ? the first moment of encouraging you didn't give me .

ONCE I PREGNANT MY FUTURE IS RUIN ! . DO YOU EVER THINK FOR ME ? THINK FOR MY FUTURE ? ARE YOU GOING TO SUPPORT ME ? NO YOU NEVER , WON'T ! . telling me you will give me $5o0 as my monthly money is not enfu for . I working like a maid yet i get such paid only . I'M JUST 18 YEARS OLD YET I MUST LIKE A AUNTIE HIDE MYSELF AT HOME AND DO ALL THOSE HOUSE WORK PLUS BUYING FOOD FOR DINNER USING MY 500 ?! .

I DIN'T ASK FOR GOOD WEDDING ( WEDDING PHOTO , CHINESE WEDDING OR WEARING AS A BRIDE ) BUT A GOOD TIMES WHEN I PREGNANT AND AFTER THT 1 MOTHS (CONFINEMENT PERIOD) is it hard ? YES , IT HARD . CAUSE YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY ):

"JOKER !! , bring back more then 1k a month can't afford to give me a private doctor . confinement is waste of money too . LOLS . everything to for me is WASTE OF MONEY . We shld save for baby ! . JOKERS "

YES , I SERVE MY RIGHT TO LET YOU PARENTS SCOLD I WORSE THEN A PROSITUTE AND THEY WILLING TO GIVE THT $200 OF HIS TO A GEYLANG PROSITUTE THEN ME . YES , 20K ... I OFFERING 20K . WHY NOT 20K ? RESPONSIBLE CAN YOU GIVE ? BY SAYING SO WHAT YOU WANT ON THE VERY 1ST MOMENT YOU KNOW IM PREGNANT AND LET UR PARENT COME AND ASK ME SO WHAT I WANT TO DO SINCE I'M PREGNANT IS RESPONSIBLE ? LOLS . DID YOU GIVE MY PARENTS EXPLAINATION ? IN FACT YOU WAITING FOR ME TO GIVE UR PARENTS THT EXPLANATION .

" Why did i demand 20k ?
Cause he said I dun worth 10K . if marriage my parents can't get a 10k as a thankness for them to feed me till so big . and more RESPONSIBLE he can't afford to give . noo is he dunno how to give . cos dunno what i want . LOLS . of cos I want his concern , caring and talk to me nicely . but he nv . simply can see he can't give me basic resposible . even my doctor fee . LOLS . must wait for him to get pay then can bring me go see doc . nevermindd . next is must go poly there as for transfer to hospital for scanning . LMAOS . next is if i want abortion , get me a private doctor(PRIVATE CLINIC) for abortion . LOLS . scanning n give birth cannot get a private doctor must get a private doctor but abortion can . LOLS . of cos abortion is more cheaper if at clinic but more expensive at hospital .
i'm notting .. if care for me shld get me a hospital then ... HAHAHAS

WORSE IS I CAN'T CHOOSE THE PLACE SINCE IS THEY PAY . LoL

until now i since no reason for me keep contacting you .. consistant asking you for reply is becos i need it alot . why can't you understand the pain of been laugh by others . I'm a young mother and more is not married .

I once collapsed .. and consistant get tired of what i have now . I simply get my interest off from study again . No point i study for so hard . MY FUTURE IS RUIN . ur company can let you continue study DEGREE but me ? I'm a person who stop my study when i studing in ITE . what is NITEC CERT ? is nothing . a piece of cake ! . spare me ... your family(include you) insult me n baby make me collapsed once .. having this baby change my life ... everything change ...

LOVES IS NOTHING TO ME NOW .... NO LONGER A THINGS TO ME .... I WILL TEARS WHEN YOU BACK AND GONE .... I WILL WORRY IF YOU GONE ARE FOR LIFE OR AWHILE .... MY INSISTANT WILL LET BOTH OF US HAVE OUR OWN PATH . FOR MY VIEW IF I FOLLOW UR PATH I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY ENFU .

I JUST GETTING ABIT OF WHAT I SHLD GET .... BUT YOU CAN STAY CALM AND SHOUT TO ME LOUD N CLEAR I NOT CAPABLE TO GIVE YOU .

I'M TO TIRED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I WORRY AND WAITING FOR .... YOU ARE THE GREATEST PAIN IN MY LIFE .... WHAT YOU LEFT WILL ALWAY FOLLOW ME TILL THE END ....

NEVER COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN'T GIVE ME ANY HAPPINESS .

WE JUST LIKE PLAYING PASSING BALLOON GAME
BABY IS JUST LIKE A GROWING BALLOON .
WHEN TIME UP BALLOON WILL BURST
AND WE WILL FACE THE FACTS
THT THE GAME HAVE END
IS EITHER WE WILL STAY TOGETHER OR I WILL CARRY THIS BURDEN REST OF MY LIFE .